


Caught Up In What To Say

by wildespirit



Category: Generation Kill
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-16
Updated: 2012-10-16
Packaged: 2017-11-16 10:32:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/538519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildespirit/pseuds/wildespirit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>5 times Ray told Walt he loved him and one time Walt manned the fuck up and actually meant it</p>
            </blockquote>





	Caught Up In What To Say

**Author's Note:**

> Jay and Harri are horrible enablers, and they make me do things I don’t want to do at all and are to blame for basically everything. But they are also kind of great and this fic would be even worse without them. Title from ‘Mango Tree’ by Angus & Julia Stone, which you should listen to immediately because it’s beautiful. Disclaimer: Based on the HBO show, not the real marines, obviously. Warning for the same homophobic/ableist/racist/sexist language that is in the show etc.

1\. “Sir, not to get homoerotic, but I could kiss you.” The LT smirked, and Walt was like 99.5% sure that things would be getting pretty homoerotic later on. But whatever, not asking or telling. Because he, unlike Ray, could keep his fucking mouth shut when it was appropriate.

“When we get back to the US, approximately how many Iraqi orphans do you think you and the LT will be looking to adopt?”

“Ray, how much fucking Ripped Fuel have you ingested today?”

Walt tuned out at this point, he finally had some fucking gun lube, thank fuck for the LT. He was a little bit surprised when Ray opened his door, and leaned up the side of the Victor and said, “Walter Sunshine Hasser, I looooooooooove you,” before making kissing faces as close to Walt’s face as he could reach on tip toes.

_Fuck_. He tried to hide his blush by laughing and winking. “Right back at you, baby.”

Ray disappeared back into the Humvee. “Ha, fuck you Trombley, guess you’ll just have to put up with me and Walt’s illicit gay affair all the way to Baghdad after all.”

 

2\. When Brad criticised Ray’s driving, everyone suffered. Walt was truly repentant for the funk he put the whole Humvee into Then (it’s capitalised in his head, but he’s trying not to think about why), and he wasn’t totally sure why Brad, who was normally so good at looking after his Marines, still hadn’t learnt that criticising Ray’s driving would only lead to more bad driving. And Walt was the one who had to bear the brunt of it up top, so fuck him very much. As Ray swerved deliberately to hit a pothole, one of many on these shitty Haji roads, Walt’s foot slipped and he kicked into Reporter.

He heard an exclamation of ‘fuck’ come from inside the Humvee. He should have apologised, but it would probably just cause Ray to start a monologue on people who apologise too much for things they haven’t done and the dickheads who don’t apologise for being their dickish selves. (Walt would reward himself by stealing Brad’s skittles every time he could correctly predict the topic of Ray’s next speech. Whatever, shit gets boring when all you have to stare at is sand, ok?)

“We got married in a fever,” he hummed under his breath. Brad could suck a fat one, because Walt’s knees were starting to really fucking hurt. “Hotter than a pepper sprout.” He heard a snort from below and began to sing louder. “We’ve been talking ‘bout Jackson, ever since the fire went out.”

Jackson had always been his favourite; his gram would sing it to him when he was a kid.

“I’m going to Jackson, I’m gonna mess around. Yeah, I’m going to Jackson,” he sang, getting into it now.

“Look out Jackson town,” finally came up from the driver’s seat.

Walt could have chosen Avril Lavigne, but he knew that Ray could actually sing really fucking well when he wasn’t doing it to piss Brad off.

“Fucking finally,” said Walt. “Well go on down to Jackson. Go ahead and wreck your health. Go play your hand, you big talkin’ man and make a big fool of yourself.”

As Reporter joined in, and hey that made three against two in the Humvee, not that Walt would be the one to point that out to Brad’s face, Ray stuck his head out the window and looked up at Walt.

“Person, keep your fucking eyes on the road,” said Brad, but there wasn’t too much heat in it.

“I fucking love you and your “I’m not scared of the Iceman” routine, you fucking beautiful corn fed hick.”

 

3\. “I’m just saying,” continued Ray, and his gestures grew significantly more outlandish with every passing minute. Things had progressed from beer to tequila, and Walt thought it was probably time to start slowing Ray down again. “I think that the LT’s mouth is a significantly underappreciated feature of his. I mean who cares about competence when you could have those lips wrapped—”

Yep, Walt definitely didn’t need to hear the rest of that sentence. He walked past Brad animatedly telling Poke exactly how he had done some detail or other on the paddle. He didn’t know who the fuck Brad and the LT thought they were kidding, he was pretty sure only Trombley would be shocked if they started fucking on the coffee table right now. He’d never seen a paddle made with so much fucking love.

He sighed. Ray only had three months left in the Corps, and Walt wasn’t really sure what was going to happen after November. He  _knew_ they’d still be friends, brothers in arms etc etc, all that fucking moto ooh rah bullshit. But he wasn’t really sure how Ray being his friend, how Ray being his  _best friend,_ was working out for him. After getting back from Iraq Walt had broken up with his girlfriend of two years, and he still wouldn’t admit to himself why.

He walked back to Ray with two more beers. Ray didn’t need it, but he would just steal Walt’s if he didn’t take him one. As he sat back on the couch, Ray frowned at him. “Why did you leave in the middle of my sentence?”

“Um, I figured you wouldn’t notice?”

Ray’s frown deepened, his eyebrows pulling together. Walt tried not to laugh at seeing such a serious face on Ray of all people. “I always notice homes, always. Fucking swift, silent and deadly, and observant as fuck, ooh rah.”

He looked deeply offended, but Walt thought it was probably just an effect of the shots Ray had done before. “Ok?”

Ray nodded solemnly at Walt, before launching back into the monologue. “So anyway, I think Brad really missed a prime opportunity to add “fucking stellar cocksucker lips” to the fine Captain’s list of achievements—”

“Ray, Jesus, can you stop talking about the LT like that?” Walt shook his head.

“Are you jealous, baby?” Ray leaned up real close in to Walt’s space, and fuck you, he wasn’t blushing, that was just his complexion and he’d had too much to drink.  _He was so fucked._  “You know you’re the one I love the most.”

Ray continued to hold Walt’s gaze for a moment, before dragging his glassy eyes down to his mouth. Walt poked his tongue out to lick at the corner of his mouth nervously.

Ray’s eyes refocussed quickly, and as he looked back up the grin he gave Walt was truly terrifying.

 

4\. “F _uck,_ Walt!” Walt grinned as he slid another slicked finger into Ray’s ass, working the lube in slowly. Ray moaned as he pushed down.

“Impatient.” Walt shook his head, and scraped his teeth over Ray’s chest. He loved Ray like this, so desperate.

“Yep, deal with it, get your dick in me already.” His back arched off the bed as Walt grazed his prostate, but Walt made no move to hurry things along. Ray sighed. “Fine, please can you fuck me now Walter?”

Walt nodded; there was always time for good manners. “That’s better,” he said, kissing Ray softly. He pulled his fingers out and rolled a condom onto his cock. He looked down at Ray’s face, flushed red and completely wrecked. “Shit, Ray, you look so hot like this.”

“Yes, fuck, hurry the fuck up.” With that Walt pushed in and Ray wrapped his legs around Walt’s waist. Walt gasped at the heat surrounding him.  _Oh fuck yes._ He stilled to let Ray adjust for a moment, but Ray moved his foot and dug a heel into Walt’s ass, urging him on. “Fucking move.”

Walt snapped his hips. He waited a few seconds before doing it again. Ray whined as he arched his back to take Walt at a better angle, and when Walt began pounding into him he yelled, “Oh, fuck! Yes!”

Walt built up to a tempo that had Ray moaning obscenely. Ray moved one of his hands to pull at his own cock a few times. “Walt, I’m gonna come!”

“Fuck yes,” Walt managed to get out, “come for me.”

“Walt, baby,  _fuck_ , I love you.” Ray came with a shout, his head thrown back.

Walt’s hips stuttered to a stop immediately. He looked at Ray incredulously. _Fucking seriously?_ He could deal with Ray saying it as a joke to piss off Trombley or whatever else. He’d been  _making_ himself deal with it. Ray seemed completely oblivious in his own post-orgasm daze. Eventually he cracked an eye open.  
  
“What are you doing?”

Walt just shook his head. Fuck this. He pulled out and ignored whatever Ray was asking and went into the bathroom. He found some boxers on the floor where they’d been thrown earlier and slipped them on, before heading out to the porch. He sat down on the steps and scrubbed his hands over his face and through his hair.  It was warm for a December night, but he still shivered. He wasn’t sure if it was from the cold.

_Fuck._ Why was Ray such a fucking asshole sometimes?

He heard Ray pad down the hall and open the door. He didn’t sit down though, so Walt guessed he was hovering awkwardly. Served him fucking right.

“What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?”

Walt let out a hoarse bark of laughter.

“Walt,” he said. Walt stared resolutely ahead. What did Brad call it? Fucking magnanimous. “ _Walt_.” Ray plopped down next to him. He reached tentatively over to touch Walt’s knee, but Walt shoved his hand away. “Look, I’m a total fuck up, but you knew that going into this, okay? If I do something wrong you need to tell me, or I won’t ever realise, and then I won’t ever be able to fix it.”

Walt sighed and looked up at clear night sky. He rubbed his face with his hands again, as if trying to scrub away the part of his brain that was so upset with Ray about something he’d said while coming. Trying to scrub away the part of him that had ever let himself get in this deep. He stayed silent for a few more minutes. Ray could suffer, he didn’t care, he needed the time to think.

“Don’t say shit like that if you don’t mean it, Ray.”

Ray didn’t respond, and Walt thought it was probably because he didn’t even realise what he had said. Of course.

After a while he turned to Walt. “They’re just words, homes.”

Walt sighed. “Not to me, okay? Stop saying shit you don’t mean and making promises you can’t keep.”

Because in the end, that was what it came back to. It wasn’t just  _I love you,_ it was the fact that all too soon Walt would be deploying again, and Ray wouldn’t have any real reason to stay in California on his own. And Walt knew that if whatever this was going on between them ended, he would be the one who wouldn’t know how to move on; he had no reason to think that for Ray this was anything but casual.

 

5.  “Hey, I’m home!” Walt heard a muffled curse from the kitchen. “Are you okay?” he called tentatively as he toed off his boots.

“Yep, yeah, just wait there for like two minutes, okay?”

“Uh, sure.” He was going to be really pissed off if on his last night Ray had made some huge mess that he would have to clean up. He just wanted a nice meal and to fuck his boyfriend before he had to go to the desert for who knew how long. They’d got plenty of fucking in over the weekend, but Walt wouldn’t mind having a few more goes. Ray suddenly appeared in the hall and crowded Walt up against wall.

“Hey,” Ray whispered, as he leaned in to kiss him.

“Hey,” Walt smiled, and kissed him again. “So why aren’t I allowed to move?”

“Oh, you can move now,” said Ray, and he grabbed Walt’s hand and pulled him through to the kitchen, where there were candles ( _fucking candles, what the fuck Ray?)_ and roses and dinner all set out. But what caught Walt’s attention was the cake sitting on the bench.

“Ray, did you make me a rainbow cake?” Walt turned to where Ray was standing behind him, practically jumping up and down with excitement.

“Fuck yeah I did homes. This is your last chance to be a proud faggot waving your rainbow flag before you have to pretend to love pussy more than my cock for months and months, so I went all out. Don’t worry though, I’ll write you dirty jerk off letters and spray them with perfume so no one suspects a thing,” Ray said, tapping his nose conspiratorially.

“Ray Person, this is without a doubt the most fucked up, special education homosexual bullshit you have ever done.” Walt shook his head, but couldn’t help the grin that was spreading across his face. He cupped Ray’s face and leaned in to kiss him. Ray responded enthusiastically, but after a while pulled back.

“Hold your horses, Marine. There’s time for you to pile on the sexual favours because I’m the best boyfriend ever after dinner.”

Walt laughed, and then grew serious again when he remembered why Ray had done this. He pressed his forehead against Ray’s. “Thank you,” he said, sincerely. He took a deep breath. “I know that—fuck, I don’t know how to—look, I know that you might not be ready, but I need to tell you before I leave, okay? So just listen.”  _Man up Walt, just say it._  “I love you, I’m in love with you, and—” He couldn’t ask w _hy aren’t you coming back with me?_ It wouldn’t be fair. He couldn’t say  _I need you to stop fucking around and saying it as a joke, I need you to mean it as much as I do._ He couldn’t say i _f you’re not waiting when I come back then I don’t know what I’ll do._

Ray left the Marines, but he still hadn’t left Walt. But if he were to get lonely while Walt’s gone, Walt wouldn’t blame him for going home. He didn’t want to think about going back to Iraq without Ray, but at least he’d have Brad. He’d have all their other friends. He was still excited to go again, still excited to see action. The only person left behind would be Nate, but it would be a bit weird for Ray to go visit the LT if Brad was away.

Ray stared at him with wide eyes. He nodded. “Hey, Walt, as much as you deserve better than me, I’ll be the one waiting when you get back. I’ll be here.”

Walt nodded and smiled. He was pretty sure that the way Ray was biting his lip meant  _I love you too. I’m a fucking pussy. If you don’t come back to me I’ll kill you_.

He’d take lip biting if that was all he could get.

 

6\. Ray buried his nose where Walt’s neck met his shoulder and breathed deeply. “You smell like shit.”  _I missed you so much._  “I love you.”


End file.
